MANGO KISS                           Saturday, October 9                 7:00 PM; Little Theatre

Beginning in 1993 San Francisco, Kiss follows the unusual relationship between butch Lou (Michelle Wolf) and fem Sassafras (Danièle Ferraro – think Winona Ryder mashed up with Sarah Jessica Parker).  Things start platonically, but when the two girls decide to live together, things get kicked up a notch or two, eventually leading to a role-playing situation where Lou becomes "Captain Daddy" and Sassafras pretends to be "Princess Sass".  So far, so good, but the situation is a disaster waiting to happen.

Things take a jealous lurch when Daddy lets Sass “have a son” in the form of a punk bassist named Mickey (Shannon Rossiter), while she starts fantasizing about a neighborhood dominatrix (Tina Marie Murray).  Melodrama disguised as a pastel-colored comedy is this debut from writer-director Sascha Rice, who adapts the story from the play Bermuda Triangles: The Non-Monogamy Experiment.  The highlight is the chapter introductions, which arrive via colorful tattoos displayed on curvy body parts; and the all-to-brief appearance of Dru Mouser from MTV’s Undressed.

FATHER & SON                            Saturday, October 9                 7:00 PM; Dryden Theatre

Aleksandr Sokurov; the criminally insane mind behind the sprawling hit Russian Ark, is back with this feature that, if you listen to the Russian filmmaker, has absolutely no business playing at a L&G festival.  Turns out Son’s homoeroticism exists solely in the minds of vile Western critics who saw its premiere at Cannes in 2003 (where it won the FIPRESCI Award).  At least that’s what Sokurov claims.  That’s something I wish I had known before I watched Son.  In retrospect, I think Batman Forever was probably way gayer.

The confusion is understandable – Son begins with a close-up of two sweaty men clutching at one another as they grunt.  But that’s not gay.  If it were, half of America would be partaking in one big rainbow-colored jubilee every Sunday as they watched the NFL (talk about putting the “tail” back in “tailgate party).  These two men, it turns out, are the titular Father (Andrei Shchetinin) and Son (Aleksei Nejmyshev).  They’re close.  Maybe too close for the aforementioned NFL crowd.  Definitely too close for the likes of the Son’s girlfriend (Marina Zasukhina), who dumps him because she’s freaked out by the way they stare into each other’s eyes.

Maybe she’s got a point.  Different viewers are going to read the relationship in different ways.  The one thing they will be able to agree on, however, is that Son is breathtaking to watch, with each frame glowing like a work of art.  Heck, I’d even watch Everybody Loves Raymond if it looked like this.

EATING OUT                         Saturday, October 9                 9:15 PM; Little Theatre

Caleb (Scott Lunsford) gets a crush on Gwen (Emily Stiles), but she wouldn’t piss on a straight guy if he was on fire.  What’s a breeder guy to do?  According to Caleb’s roommate Kyle (American Idol’s Jim Verraros), the obvious answer is trying to woo Gwen by pretending to be gay and feigning interest in her roommate Marc (Ryan Carnes).  If you’ve ever heard them play “Gay Chicken” on The Howard Stern Show, you’ll have a pretty good idea what comes next in this feature-length debut from Q. Allan Brocka.  Festival audiences might remember him from such shorts as Rick & Steve the Happiest Gay Couple in All the World.

Out promises the fastest way to a girl’s heart is through her gay best friend (note to self: find out if Tom Cruise and Jessica Alba are friends).  It’s sharp, acerbic and often painfully funny, with more than a little cheese tossed into the mix.  In other words, it’s everything you wished Will & Grace would be, with Stiles’ Gwen laying on enough fag-haggery to make you roll in the aisles like you were at Def Comedy Jam.  And there’s a phone sex scene that should fluster batters for both teams.  I watched it twice.

PARENTAL INSTINCT                  Sunday, October 10                12:00 PM; Little Theatre

In just 74 minutes, you get to watch the entire process involved in having a baby. But this isn't like that movie they make you watch in fifth-grade sex education. The parents here are two men who, after deciding to take the plunge, pick a surrogate mother to carry two children – one from each of their sperm – in back-to-back pregnancies. The mom, a witch from Maine, treks down to New York with young son in tow for a fairly intimate insemination procedure (they may as well just have done the deed), and, many months later, we see the finished product introduced into the world via an inflatable swimming pool in the middle of the living room. Since Instinct ends up being mostly about the surrogate's conception troubles, there isn't really anything that separates it from a story about a straight couple trying to have a kid. Still interesting to watch, especially if you're unfamiliar with the whole surrogacy process and question whether or not these babies are conceived out of love, or love of money.

BROTHER TO BROTHER                  Sunday, October 10                5:00 PM; Dryden Theatre

If you’re digging the interesting portrayal of the conflicted gay-black Karamo on The Real World: Philadelphia (or maybe it just seems interesting because we’re all tired of Sarah being so damn slutty), you won’t want to miss Brother, which won the Audience Award from San Francisco’s L&G fest, as well as jury awards from LA Outfest and Sundance.

The festival’s “centerpiece” film stars Anthony Mackie as Perry, a black college student who volunteers at a homeless shelter and has a tumultuous relationship with Jim (Alex Burns), a white guy who hasn’t come out yet.  While Perry tries to wrap his head around their relationship, he finds out one of the old men at his shelter was one of the purveyors of the Harlem Renaissance.  Black and white flashbacks to the 1920s help Perry help come to terms with his past and his future.  A real treat for history nuts, but everybody else should dig Brother, too.

TWIST                                                Sunday, October 10                9:30 PM; Little Theatre

Oliver Twist is updated and plopped into modern Toronto in actor-turned-director Jacob Tierney’s debut feature.  Pickpockets have been replaced with street hustlers, which makes Twist a shabbily reminiscent of the far superior My Own Private Idaho.  Nick Stahl, from Terminator 3 and HBO’s Carnivale, plays the Dodge, who picks up teen runaway Oliver (Joshua Close, also from MTV’s Undressed) and brings him back to Fagin (Gary Farmer).  You know the rest, only you probably don’t remember it being this morbid.  This would make Dickens suicidal, probably in more than one way.

THE RASPBERRY REICH             Friday, October 15                  10:30 PM; Cinema Theatre

If you didn't get your fill of gun fellatio from that Six Feet Under episode where David was kidnapped, then step right up to Bruce LaBruce's Reich.  It's a cross between a crazy-political Godard film and a full-on porno, with full penetration shots of both hetero and homo lovin'.  We learn important things, like that “Masturbation is counter-revolutionary” and “You can be a terrorist and and claustrophobic.”  Good to know.  Beyond that, Reich is just an excuse to watch smut and not feel like a perv.  Unless you dig feeling like a perv, in which case, you can knock yourself out.  Just don’t sit behind me in the theatre, Grunty.  NOBODY UNDER 18 WILL BE ADMITTED.

MY MOTHER LIKES WOMEN            Saturday, October 16               7:00 PM; Dryden Theatre

This triple Goya nominee sounds like a bad Almodóvarian television sitcom pilot: Sofía (Rosa María Sardà), an accomplished concert pianist tells her three daughters she’s gay, and has been carrying on with – and financially supporting – a Czech immigrant for quite some time.  The kids, needless to say, are shocked beyond words.  Once they manage to collect their jaws from the floor, they devise a plan in which middle child Elvira (Leonor Watling) is dispatched to woo potential stepmom Eliska (Eliska Sirová) with the hopes of outing her as a money-grubbing freeloader.

Yet, somehow, Women works on both a dramatic and comedic level, and you can thank Watling (My Life Without Me) for holding it all together.  I’m not sure I would have liked or shared empathy with her borderline crazy character were it portrayed by another actress.  And she Almodóvars it up for all it’s worth, having starred in Pedro’s two most recent offerings.  It’s the performance of the festival.

COWBOYS & ANGELS                     Saturday, October 16               7:00 PM; Cinema Theatre

The debut from Irish writer-director David Gleeson is about a straight civil service drone named Shane (Michael Legg) who moves into a flat with Vincent (Allen Leech), a gay fashion design student.  In about three beats, Vincent is performing the Carson and Kyan ends of a Queer Eye makeover on the unsuspecting Shane, who then attracts the attention of downstairs neighbor Keith (David Murray).  It is Keith who initiates Shane into the worlds of drug dealing and boy-boy love.  Before long, both Shane and Vincent are bucking unwanted lovers off of each other, as they have each attracted members of the “wrong” sex.

Did that description sound scattered?  If it did, then I accomplished my goal.  Angels is all over the map, but since it’s Irish, it still manages to be a little charming.

GOLDFISH MEMORY                   Sunday, October 17                7:00 PM; Dryden Theatre