Even if you can look past the fact that the protagonist is a twice-convicted felon, 3 Strikes is still a bitter pill to swallow.  The title doesn’t refer to a baseball count, but rather the plight of a young black man trying to avoid a third conviction that would carry a mandatory prison sentence of at least twenty-five years.

Our hero is Rob Douglas (Brian Hooks, Beloved), who is incarcerated when Strikes opens but about to be sprung from the pen after serving a one-year sentence.  Rob says he wants to settle down with his woman Juanita (N'Bushe Wright, Blade) and get a normal “nine-to-five.”  At first, I thought he was teaching me some new slang for a gun because nobody in the whole movie has a job.  As he watches the local television news in the pokey, Rob is horrified when he hears that the lead story is about a guy that The Man hit with a twenty-five year sentence for stealing a piece of pizza.  That’s just how crazy things have become in the year that Rob has been off the streets – people going to prison for stealing.  Like that’s ever going to happen.

Upon his release, Rob is picked up by a two-bit playa named J.J. (De'aundre Bonds, The Wood).  Rob proudly proclaims, “I’m gonna do whatever it takes not to go back to that bitch,” between puffs on a joint.  What he doesn’t know is that J.J. picked him up in a stolen ride and, rather than be brought in by The Man, his chauffeur would prefer to throw down with the 5-0.  Before you know it, Rob’s face is plastered all over newspapers and television.

During his misadventures, Rob runs into the stock characters of any urban comedy – the lazy cracker parole officer (Vincent Schiavelli, Man on the Moon), the evil cracker cop (Dean Norris, Lansky), the slimy cracker D.A. (David Leisure, 10 Things I Hate About You) and a whole gaggle of assorted other dopey crackers.  To say that the script is lightweight would be like saying that Mr. Clean is beginning to experience the onset of male pattern baldness.  The funniest parts, other than the outtakes during the closing credits, involve Rob’s flatulent uncle (Antonio Fargas, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka).

Strikes was written and directed by D.J. Pooh, the man responsible for co-scripting Friday with rap star Ice Cube.  Friday was a double off the wall, but with this film, Pooh goes down swinging on three straight pitches.  He doesn’t even foul one off the screen.

1:23 –