With few exceptions, people who produce and direct their own scripts and insist on casting themselves in the lead roles are a self-absorbed sort who feel only they can provide a proper showcase for their own acting talent.  You've heard ingénue after borderline-talented ingénue whine that there just aren't any good roles for her out there (usually from a mansion on Entertainment Tonight).  Ditto for the men, who think they should be stealing parts from Philip Seymour Hoffman while getting paid like Tom Cruise, even though they have the acting chops of Henry Winkler.

The Anniversary Party was written, produced and directed by Cabaret expatriates Alan Cumming and Jennifer Jason Leigh, and the film stars – surprise! – Alan Cumming and Jennifer Jason Leigh.  They play a married show-biz couple who are throwing a party for their own sixth wedding anniversary, even though they've just come off an extended separation and their relationship is, at best, rocky.  Party's first scene, where the couple gets stressed out by a constantly ringing phone while working with their personal trainer in front of their beautiful in-ground pool as housekeepers arrive to prepare for the celebration, is enough to make me hate them both immediately, but does its job of portraying the two as wealthy, out-of-touch artists.

Joe Therrian (Cumming, Josie and the Pussycats) is an author who has just been tapped to direct the feature-film version of his latest novel (even though he has never directed and hates movies).  His wife, Sally (Leigh, The King is Alive), is an actress and, obviously, the inspiration for the much younger female lead in Joe's book.  He incurs Sally's wrath by casting a hot young actress named Skye Davidson (Gwyneth Paltrow, Bounce) to play that role, but she really goes off the deep end when Joe invites Skye to the party.

The party guests slowly arrive over the film's first hour, and you can tell by the attendees that it's going to be one big, dysfunctional group.  Most of them are in the business, like the director of Sally's latest film (John C. Reilly, The Perfect Storm) and his high-strung actress wife (Jane Adams, Wonder Boys).  And what would a Hollywood party be without an Oscar winner, which we have in the appropriately named Cal Gold (Kevin Kline, Wild Wild West), and his former-actress wife (Phoebe Cates, Kline's real-life wife)? There are more high-profile guests, like Joe's agent (John Benjamin Hickey, The Bone Collector) and his wife (Parker Posey, Cumming's Josie co-star), as well as a photographer (Jennifer Beals), who happens to be Joe's ex.

The only outsiders to the whole Hollywood system are Joe and Sally's neighbors (Denis O'Hare and Mina Badie), who have been invited in an attempt to call a truce to a heated, long-running argument over their barking dog (it's the only real part of the film, thus the only truly enjoyable portion).  Once the party gets into full swing, there is game-playing and song-singing and, eventually, a scene where each guest makes a personal toast to the guests of honor before presenting their gift (no wonder I don't go to parties).  This all happens at the halfway mark into Party, and it's when things begin to go horribly wrong, both for the characters and the viewers.

Long story short, something happens that leads to a series of hurtful shouting matches, and then, of course, tragedy ensues on various levels. Inhibitions go out the window as the truth that they're all a bunch of phonies bubbles to the surface of this self-destructive crowd.  It's no fun to sit around for two hours and watch people get drunk and stoned.  And it's even less fun to watch people pretending to be drunk and stoned (not to mention paying to see it).

It'd be easy to compare Party to The Big Chill (especially because of Kline's presence), but I found the whole thing to be slightly more uncomfortable from the get-go.  It's more like the party scene from The Ice Storm than anything (and Kline was in that, too).  The film was shot with a handheld digital camera, which makes the whole thing look like somebody's home movie of a horrible party.  There are some nicely composed shots, but they're fairly easily forgotten by the rest of the train wreck.

1:55 –

for language, drug use and nudity