Takashi Miike’s Audition, which has its Rochester premiere this Saturday night at the Dryden Theatre at the George Eastman House, is a blend between a cautionary Grimm brothers nightmare and the film David Cronenberg never made between Scanners and Videodrome.  The masses may have never heard of the Japanese import, though there are likely more than a few of you sick bastards out there who have been anxiously waiting for the film to worm its way to town.  After all, what cinefile wouldn’t be geeked up to see something that has driven droves of disgusted viewers, some choking back partially-digested popcorn, from theatres around the world?

If that description made your stomach turn, you’ve got no business being anywhere near the Dryden on Saturday.  Audition is messed up.  It’s as disturbing and graphic as you may have heard, but those of you going just to have your stomach turn, you should bring either a book or your patience.  Unless you’re one of those uppity-female types, nothing unsettling happens until the last 20 minutes or so.  Some people will think it’s painfully slow, while others will appreciate the delicately slow buildup.

The action starts with a nine-year-old Shigehiko carrying an armful of get well gifts to his mother’s hospital room.  He gets there too late, though, arriving in time only to see his grieving father Shigeharu (Ryo Ishibashi) slumped over his mom’s carcass.  Flash to seven years later, where 42-year-old Shigeharu is still limping through life without his other half.  Even teenage Shigehiko (Tetsu Sawaki) suggests he find a new wife, a sentiment echoed by Shigeharu’s buddy, film producer Yasuhisa (Jun Kunimura).

Yasuhisa talks Shigeharu into setting up a phony audition for a movie, with the intention of the sad-sac meeting Ms. Right in the process (she would be – surprise! – a waif-like subservient beauty).  Shigeharu is initially overwhelmed by the number of applicants, but, late one night, accidentally drips tea on one of the many resumés piled on his desk.  He is instantly taken with the girl staring back at him from the tea-stained paper, and, despite Yasuhisa’s warnings, falls head over heels for the comely Asami (Eihi Shiina) when he lays eyes on her at the actual audition.  The process almost makes Audition seem like it’s veering off into madcap comedy territory, making me wonder if I was watching the right film.

The first hint something might be amiss is the shot of a mysterious human-sized sack in Asami’s apartment, and that’s only the tip of the iceberg.  Audition, like The Business of Strangers and Baise-moi before it, shows what could happen when you do diabolical things like listening to your friends and objectifying women (especially crazy ones).  It also has laughably bad subtitles, and was co-adapted from Ryu Murakami’s novel by Daisuke Tengan, who is the son of the great Japanese director and three-time Cannes winner Shohei Imamura.

1:53 –

but contains nudity and very graphic, violent stuff