Planet Sick-Boy’s annual caravan to Ohio for the Cleveland International Film Festival was cut short this year, due to the contraction of an illness that rendered the entire staff a giant shivering, sweating mess.  We’d like to formally apologize to the person who had to sleep on the perspiration-soaked hotel mattress after we were finished with it, and for the delay in reporting about the quality of the pictures we still managed to see before fever set in.

Cleveland’s 29^th run featured a bunch of films PSB caught at other festivals.  You can read about them by clicking on the titles listed below:

The Boys and Girl of County Clare

Days and Hours (winner of Cleveland’s Central/Eastern European Film Competition)

Eating Out

Millions

Oldboy

Palindromes

Z Channel: A Magnificent Obsession

This was the opening night film:

Lonesome Jim – If you couldn’t get enough Affleck/Liv Tyler action in Jersey Girl, then…well, then you’ve got some pretty major psychological issues.  Don’t let the presence of both acting forces scare you away from Lonesome Jim, which features Casey Affleck as a wannabe writer forced to return home from Manhattan to Rousch, Indiana when his meager bankroll runs out.  The titular Jim hates his family just about as much as he hates his own life.  Why?  There’s his overly-chipper Kitty Foreman clone of a mom (Mary Kay Place), his no-nonsense EZ-chair addict father (Seymour Cassel), and older brother Tim (Kevin Corrigan), a divorcee who still live at home with the ‘rents.

When Jim’s “pep talk” to Tim goes less than spectacularly well, the latter ends up in a coma, while the former falls for a nurse (Tyler) at his hospital.  So, yeah – the sleepy Lonesome is not unlike Garden State in that it’s about male protagonist in his late 20s who returns home, deals with some darkly comedic circumstances involving his family, and, ideally, emerges a stronger person.  Director Steve Buscemi (Animal Factory) shoots it with dull, low-def video, which makes Lonesome the film version of something Lou Barlow would have recorded in his bedroom (even Tyler has trouble glowing through the haze).

A surprising amount of sight gags and a carefully chosen collection of music (is Buscemi much different than his Ghost World character in that respect?), Lonesome might be a little slow for some less adventurous viewers (like, the kind that are actually excited about Miss Congeniality 2), but indie fans will eat it up like day old banana pudding.  And if I come across a better line than, “Remember, when you point a finger at someone, you’ve got three pointing back at you,” at this festival, I’m not sure I’m prepared to hear it.

The other stuff (in alphabetical order):

The 7^th Day – I slept through way too much of this one to make any kind of coherent argument.  I will, however, say this: Day is the fourth straight Carlos Saura film, dating back to 1996’s Taxi, that made me see the back of my eyelids.  Take that for what it’s worth.

Aftermath – You may remember Paprika Steen as the blonde woman from such movies as all of the original Dogme films.  Well, now she’s directing, and her debut is a beaut.  Nominated in 10 categories of Denmark’s version of Oscar, Aftermath shows a couple dealing with the repercussions of a car crash that took the life of their only child.  Claes (Michael Birkkjær) is obsessed with giving some old fashioned comeuppance to the drunk driver responsible for the accident, while Britt’s (a brilliant Sofie Gråbøl) job as a social worker brings her a little too close to a young single mom and her potentially neglected infant.  It’s like a race to see who snaps first!  Sadly, the print for this film was stuck in Russia, so my screening was a video presentation.  And I still liked it a lot.

After the Day Before – The title sounds like something Miles Raymond would pick for his first epic novel, but Before turns out to be more of a blend of U-Turn and pre-digital Kiarostami than the Tarkovsky/Bresson/Lynch promise delivered by the festival’s program guide.  It’s about a man (Tibor Gáspár) who has inherited a farmhouse in an extremely rural part of Hungary.  The townsfolk who bother to give him the time of day make it clear he’s unwanted in their village (a few wouldn’t seem out of place on Deadwood).  Oh, yeah – and there’s the little problem with the whole Groundhog’s Day thing happening to his space-time continuum, too.  A tough nut to crack, but if you stick with it, you get the delectable meats within.

The Art and Crimes of Ron English – Ron English, in case you didn’t already know, is a “billboard hijacker” who illegally wallpapers his own anti-commercials over the top of legitimate advertising.  You know, like changing Chevy’s “Like a Rock” into a “Like Iraq” campaign.  This documentary follows English – a genuine descendant of Bonnie Parker – from his successful deathblow to Joe Camel, to his post-billboard adventures in the “normal” art world, to his attempt at smashing the world record for having the most songs written about him (these provide the bulk of Art’s score).  Very interesting and timely stuff, and cobbled together in a much friendlier way than, say, The Corporation.  Plus, English looks like a cuddly combination of Kevin Smith and Cleveland’s own Joe Eszterhas.

Assisted Living – A pseudo-documentary following a day in the life of a nursing home orderly, Living is betrayed only by its budgetary limitations and editing continuity.  The Grand Jury winner at Slamdance two full years ago shows slacker Todd (Michael Bonsignore) getting high before showing up late to a job he doesn’t like and can barely keep.  In between doing loads of his own laundry and goofing around in wheelchairs, Todd makes prank calls to residents, pretending to be deceased relatives calling from heaven.  Yet, despite all of this, he remains a likable character.  This makes his relationship with Mrs. Pearlman (Maggie Riley), a recent admission for rehab after a hip fracture, even more tragic.  Viewers who complain about the subject being “depressing” and “uncomfortable” are either missing the point, or simply haven’t been to a nursing home in a really long time.  For those who have, the scene where Todd goes to the secure ward will make their hair stand on end.

The Ballad of Jack & Rose – On paper, Ballad has it all: A top-notch cast (featuring the seen-less-often-than-the-fricking-Punxsutawney-groundhog Daniel Day-Lewis), a hot indie writer/director (Personal Velocity’s Rebecca Miller), photography from Eternal Sunshine’s Ellen Kuras, and Bob Dylan songs.  Yeah, on paper.  Surprisingly, the lone aspect of the film that didn’t work was the only part that was actually put on paper: Miller’s occasionally effective but ultimately clunky script.  Day-Lewis plays a Scotsman living with his daughter/possible concubine (a brave Camilla Belle) on a former commune on an island off of the east coast of the US.  It’s a little Adam and Eve, a little bit Off the Map, and thanks to Dylan, a little bit rock and roll.  Watch as the two fight to protect their land from a developer (Beau Bridges), fight to show how much they love each other, and fight to make the story work.

Bolero – Fans of CSI: Topeka and Law & Order: For the Love of Christ, When Will It End? will surely appreciate this Czech crime procedural, which is supposed to be based on actual events, possibly even ripped from current headlines.  A young, attractive college student goes missing, and then turns up a floater.  The cops can’t get anyone to talk, though they’re pretty sure the son of a wealthy family might have had something to do with it.  Director F.A. Brabec, not to be confused with F.W. Murnau, first pokes fun at the story’s authenticity, and then cranks up the overly-dramatic score, whipping this viewer into unintentional laughter and frequent head-shaking.

Days of Santiago – Peruvian writer/director Josue Mendez hits pay dirt in his story of an ex-Navy SEAL (Pietro Sibille, who had a small part in Proof of Life) who has trouble adjusting to everyday life in Lima after throwing down in a border skirmish with Ecuador.  Mendez jumps back and forth from color to black-and-white in order to show us what the normal and Hulked-up version of protagonist/antagonist Santiago goes through on a regular basis.  A startling first feature, with memorable editing and photography, and a gaggle of attractive Peruvian woman, to boot.

Dear Frankie – The only of the top ten finishers in The Plain Dealer/Roxanne T. Mueller Audience Choice Award for Best Film that I managed to see (how’s that for luck?), Frankie’s title instantly reminded me of Sarah Bolger’s narration from In America.  Here, Frankie isn’t a dead brother, but instead, a deaf boy (Jack McElhone) being raised by his single mom (Emily Mortimer) and grandmother (Mary Riggans).  Frankie maintains written correspondence with his cargo ship crewman father, not realizing dad’s letters are really being written by mom, who’s been keeping up the charade for years because dad is totally out of the picture.  When Frankie sees that his dad’s ship is going to be in the area, mom has to hire a stranger (Gerard Butler) to pretend to be her estranged husband.  Mortimer is great, never looking more like Demi Moore, and wearing a constant look of worry and vulnerability.  Light and predictable, but son of a bitch, it still got to me.

Down to the Bone – The double Sundance winner and Independent Spirit Award nominated debut from Debra Granik is a terrifically dark tale about a small town supermarket cashier (Vera Farmiga) who juggles a dull marriage, two children, and a pretty serious cocaine habit.  Once she’s checked herself into rehab, Irene begins a destructive relationship with a male nurse (Hugh Dillon).  Farmiga, from television’s hastily canceled Touching Evil is great in this role, and Granik’s documentary-style filmmaking adds to the film’s realism and tenderness.  Granik won Sundance’s Best Dramatic Short in 1997 for a 23-minute version of the same story.

Frozen – If there’s one thing you can count on from the Cleveland fest, it’s Shirley Henderson films.  Last year, they offered Wilbur Wants to Kill Himself and Hypnotic, and this time around, Henderson stars in this debut from director/co-writer Juliet McKoen.  Henderson plays an emotionally troubled woman named Kath whose sister vanished two years prior.  She’s convinced, however, that the police aren’t pursuing the right leads in the disappearance.  When Kath becomes more than a little obsessed with a security camera recording of her sister’s last known sighting, she begins to have weird visions.  Henderson is perfectly cast as the frail, flaky Kath, and McKoen carefully brings her story to a gentle boil without giving us a hint where we’re headed.

The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things – With this, her second feature, Asia Argento leaps from the petulant nihilism of Scarlet Diva to something much more cohesive and enjoyable.  Her co-adaptation of J.T. LeRoy’s semi-autobiographical story – about the destruction of a young boy’s innocence at the hands of his drug-addled mother – could have been a Lifetime movie, or a cheap stab at the presumed relationship between Courtney and Frances Bean (doll parts are actually shown), but Argento elevates it way beyond that fare by making the troubling, upsetting material even more troubling and upsetting by not resorting to graphic displays.  Her stunt casting is pretty wild, too.  Keep an eye out for Marilyn Manson, Lydia Lunch, Rancid’s Tim Armstrong, Winona Ryder, David Allen Coe, Hasil Adkins, Ornella Muti (Princess Aura from Flash Gordon), and god knows who else I may have missed.  Also, Sonic Youth provides a bulk of the film’s score.

Jailbait – Brent C. Leonard’s debut is kind of like an elongated stage version of a screen test Tom Fontana submitted to HBO in order to secure funding for the first season of Oz.  Here, our Beecher is played by Michael Pitt, thrown into the clink for a relatively rinky-dink charge (a third strike involving spray paint) only to find his cellmate is the Schillinger-esque Stephen Adly-Guirgis, a murderer who likes to run his mouth and keep his bitches in line.  Jailbait takes less than 90 minutes to unspool, yet is filled with enough awkward silences to make my last date sound like the Dawson’s Creek pilot.  In other words, this will only appeal to a very slim segment of society.  Kind of like Oz.

Let’s Get Frank – A very enjoyable crowd-pleaser from magazine photographer-turned-documentarian Bart Everly, Frank runs viewers through blindingly hysterical footage of US Representative Barney Frank and his involvement in the Clinton impeachment hearings, carefully paralleling them with Frank’s own sex scandal from nearly a decade earlier.  Frank is a walking sound byte, making this doc enjoyable for everyone except those who think Kenneth Starr investigation was actually fair or balanced.

The Magician – A dying photographer-turned-street magician (Erando González) goes on a farewell tour of an impoverished area of Mexico City, mending figurative fences.  Also, his blind Flava Flav-ish assistant (Gustavo Muñoz) gets involved with a ruthless drug dealer and a prostitute with less-than-honorable intentions.  You won’t get a burning feeling “down there,” but should you take a look at Magician, be prepared for something that plays much longer than the 98 minute running time.  A definite low point of the festival experience.

Me You and Everyone We Know – Warning: Not a third film in the Me Myself I/Me You Them trilogy.  Writer/director Miranda July’s Dramatic Jury winner from Sundance was either the best thing I saw at the festival, or the fever I had was much worse than I thought.  The odd characters, uncomfortable situations, bad Casio-inspired music, and overall surreal take on humanity made Know exceptionally Solondz-esque in its portrayal of an overly optimistic shoe salesman (John Hawkes), a goofy artist (July), and a handful of other colorful folks.  An incredibly impressive feature film debut that will, hopefully, spawn a rash of new IM emoticons for “pooping back and forth.”

Monsterthursday – Karen (Silje Salomonsen) used to date Even (Vegar Hoel), but now she’s engaged to Tord (Christian Skolmen), who is also Even’s best friend.  After the wedding, Tord takes off on a super-long business trip while Even looks after his pal’s pregnant bride.  If you think you know where this story is going, you’re probably wrong because Even takes up surfing in an attempt to re-win Karen’s heart.  “Surfing?” you say.  “That’s right,” I insist.  The pseudo-sport gives Even a new lease on life, and allows Arild Østin Ommundsen’s Norwegian offering to include a Miyagi/Danielson relationship between Even and his surfing guru (wax on, wax off takes on a whole new meaning).  Another lost print – this time, courtesy of the Sundance fest – but that didn’t keep Monsterthursday from being mildly entertaining.

Niceland – Jed (Sweet Sixteen’s Martin Compston) is in love with Chloe (Shallow Grave’s Kerry Fox), and right before they’re about to marry, her cat is killed in an accident.  This sends Chloe into an emotional tailspin which lands her in the hospital, on the verge of death.  The only thing that can save her is Jed finding the meaning of life, which he intends to learn from a crabby junkyard owner named Max (Gary Lewis).  Will Jed and Max help each other finding the meaning of life?  Lord yes.  Would Niceland’s premise seem even more nauseating if Jed and Chloe were both mentally challenged?  You betcha.  But they are, and that makes this Friðrik Þór Friðriksson picture a sappy Scottish/Icelanding version of The Other Sister.

Rahtree: Flower of the Night – Thanks to the Scary Movie franchise, American audiences are no stranger to hybrids of horror and slapstick comedy, but nobody does it better than Asian cinema.  It’s scarier, it’s funnier, and it’s a whole lot more entertaining.  Case in point: Thailand’s Night is about a frat boy (Kris Srepoomseth) who, on a bet, seduces a classmate, impregnates her, and forces her to get an abortion from which she eventually bleeds to death.  Hysterical, I know.  When Rahtree’s ghost (Chermarn Boonyasak) starts haunting her apartment building, Night shifts from being creepy to Abbott & Costello-y.  Writer/director Yuthlert Sippapak already has a couple of sequels in the works, and I can’t wait to see them.

Sexual Life – Writer/director Ken Kwapis graduated from monkey shit movies like Dunston Checks In (literally) and The Beautician and the Beast to award-winning single-camera television sitcoms like Malcolm in the Middle, The Bernie Mac Show and the American version of The Office.  Now he’s back on the big screen with this relay race of a film where one character hands off their story to another, and so on, and so on.  It starts with a hooker (Azura Skye) celebrating her birthday, speeds through stories involving Anne Heche, Kevin Corrigan, Fionnula Flanagan, Tom Everett Scott, Dulé Hill and Kerry Washington before intertwining with the hooker again at the tape.  Nothing to see here.  Please avert your eyes.