Andrzej Bartkowiak seems to have an MO stranger than his name.  Cradle 2 the Grave is his third directorial effort, yet the former cinematographer has already established himself as a filmmaker who swaps and rearranges rappers and martial arts stars in hopes of finding the right combination of hip-hop and chop-socky.  I'd like to say he should keep at it, because the formula clearly still needs some tinkering.  But I don't actually want him to continue, since that would mean I'd have to keep watching these futile experiments over and over again.

Bartkowiak's latest interchangeable pieces of wood (with range nearly as impressive) are Jet Li and DMX.  The former made a name for himself in America in Lethal Weapon 4 (which Bartkowiak lensed) and broke out on his own in Romeo Must Die (Bartkowiak's directorial debut).  The latter has been in both of the director's previous efforts (Romeo and Exit Wounds), as has his cinematic sidekick, Anthony Anderson.  Somehow this group of people doesn't exactly get me off the same way as seeing Philip Seymour Hoffman, John C. Reilly and William H. Macy in P.T. Anderson films does.

Grave's script – well, not so much a script as it is some stuff people cooked up to pass the time in between the big set pieces – is pretty much the same thing we found in Bartkowiak's previous films, as well as both of the Rush Hour flicks.  DMX plays Tony Fait, a criminal mastermind with a sweet pad, a devoted crew (Anderson, Gabrielle Union and Drag-On) and a precocious eight-year-old daughter named Vanessa (Paige Hurd).  Li (The One) is a Taiwanese intelligence officer named Su, who has been sent to the US to recover some magical black stones that could end the world if acquired by the diabolical Asian criminal Ling (Mark Dacascos, Brotherhood of the Wolf).

There are a few things that struck me in a slightly positive way almost immediately.  For starters, the diabolical Asian criminal isn't played by Rick Yune, which is quite refreshing.  Unlike asshole Chris Tucker, Tony never once makes fun of Su's accent or asks him if he understands the words that are coming out of his mouf (Li actually speaks better English than DMX – the closing credits say they both used the same dialect coach).  And DMX isn't painful to watch in a low-key scene early in the film where his character dotes on Vanessa.  The wheels don't fall off until he starts acting like a bad-ass. Honestly, they shoot off like rockets.  Can I deal with DMX as a rapper? Sure.  As a two-bit thief?  Maybe.  As a criminal mastermind with fancy toys?  No frigging way.  I bet he can't put LEGO together. Check out HBO's The Wire if you want to see some realistic criminal geniuses with street cred.

After a nearly riveting 15-minute opening involving Tony's jewel heist, things follow a familiar path with the two leads reluctantly joining forces to recover both the mysterious black things and the now-kidnapped Vanessa. Anderson and Tom Arnold, who were both in Exit Wounds, play the comedic sidekicks, and truthfully, I'd be much more interested in seeing a movie about them instead of Li and DMX.  If it weren't for their presence, Grave would be a much more grating film.  Like Wounds, the two even have an improv scene over the closing credits that's better than anything in the film itself.

While sidestepping an explanation of what its title means, Grave noisily rumbles along to its inevitable finale, which features an ATV chase across streets and rooftops (strangely – and luckily – each roof seems to be lower than the last), a laughable helicopter crash and three separate but simultaneous one-on-one fights, including one pitting Union (Deliver Us From Eva) against Ling's sexy assistant (Kelly Hu, The Scorpion King).  Along the way, we learn a chain-link fence can be used as a trampoline when knocked down, and that DMX and certain dogs can do some crazy Matrix shit up walls.

There are a few decent moments in Grave, mostly revolving around Li's fight scenes, especially the ones where he couldn't be bothered to even take his hands out of his pockets.  A particular crowd pleaser was the part where he insisted he wasn't Bruce Lee, but then put down a dozen Ultimate Fighting brawlers, because they wait in line to attack him...just like Bruce used to do.  Li doesn't do anything as wildly creative as Jackie Chan's revolving door scene in Shanghai Knights, but I have a feeling we'll all be satiated by his upcoming, Oscar-nominated Hero, which is rumored to put Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to shame.  Save a couple of Li's fight sequences, the editing is choppy enough to make anyone look like they could kick some serious ass.  I'm sure Union isn't exactly a martial arts expert, but here she looks like she could take on the world (ditto for Steven Seagal in Wounds).

1:40 -

for violence, language and some sexual content