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The James Bond franchise
celebrates its 40th year on the big screen with the release of
the 20th installment featuring Ian Fleming's martini-swilling
secret agent. Die
Another Day has it all, if, by "all" you mean the
same exact thing over and over and over again.
Nothing has been altered in the Bond formula over the
years, and Day doesn't even begin to suggest the campy
blueprint will be abandoned anytime in the near future.
As a result, the new film isn't nearly as good as the
worst episode of Alias.
I get suckered into this
whole Bond thing every time one of the new films is released.
Why? Because
it's a Bond film. I
think men born after 1960 have some kind of Bond excitement gene
programmed into their DNA. But, with few exceptions, most of the Bond films released in
my lifetime have been supreme letdowns.
License to kill? Bond
has a license to offer barely adequate entertainment. Day is just XXX with an
older, less buff guy as the lead.
What does it mean when a no-talent like Vin Diesel can
make a flick just as good as a Bond film?
And what does it mean when a spoof of Bond (Austin
Powers) would crush it in a head-to-head battle?
I almost thought Day
was going to stray from its clichéd roots, but the excitement
was short-lived. The film starts with Bond (Pierce Brosnan, The
Tailor of Panama) surfing (!) his way into Korea's DMZ
before botching a diamonds-for-arms swap that results in him
being held prisoner and tortured over Day's opening
credits. 14 months
later, he's finally released in a hostage exchange, but finds
himself on the outs with MI6, who think Bond may have revealed
international secrets under the duress of torture. But our hero
won't have any of MI6's suspension, and before you know it, the
cagey old pro is globetrotting around to places like Cuba and
Iceland in pursuit of a nefarious baddie who looks a lot like Breaking
Away-era Dennis Quaid (Toby Stephens, Possession).
Along the way, there are
lots and lots of explosions, cool gadgetry and, of course, a
couple of slinky women delivering plenty of sexual innuendo via
double entendre. The
beginning was kind of interesting, but it's all downhill from
there. Sean
Connery's rumored cameo found its way to the editing room floor,
but there was enough space to include both a song and a
brief appearance from Madonna, who is legendary for involving
herself in only the highest quality cinema.
The person generating the most buzz from Day is
Oscar winner Halle Berry (Monster's
Ball), whose Jinx makes a first appearance that is a nod
to Ursula Andress's arrival in Dr. No.
Producers are already talking about spinning off a
project for the character, who dresses like schoolmarm compared
to Berry's last two roles (from Ball
and Swordfish).
Aside from the ending,
which elicited unintentional laughter by having Stephens's
character wield a magic glove that makes that purple lightning
stuff when he touches people (just like Return of the Jedi),
the best part of Day was when Bond strolled through Q's
(John Cleese – apparently he was promoted from R) office and
longingly gazed at the old gadgets from his previous adventures.
Day seemed like it was going to end two or three times,
but then continued to prolong the explosions and wince-worthy
puns. But you sick
bastards still won't be able to get your fill, will you?
Another film is already in the works, with Brosnan signed
on for what is supposed to be his last installment.
| 2:13
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for
action violence and sexuality |
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