There's nothing like taking a big, post-holiday breath, only to experience something that smells like the ass of a man allergic to toilet paper.  It happens every January, and unless you live in Iowa, the stink is coming from your local megaplex.  Each year, as Oscar-caliber films that saw limited release in major markets slowly make their way to smaller cities, the big studios try to sneak their worst films into theatres in the hope that you'll mistake Bette Midler's Isn't She Great for Magnolia.

The trend continues this year with Double Take, a horrible film about two characters who swap identities for reasons that still remain unclear.  It's like a third-rate version of Kid 'N Play's Class Act, which was a third-rate version of Trading Places, which I'm sure was a third-rate version of something I'm just too young to remember.

Take stars two black men at opposite ends of the Manhattan social spectrum. Daryl Chase (Orlando Jones from the 7UP commercials) is a well-mannered, affluent "sell-out" who works for The Man and has a supermodel girlfriend, while Freddy Tiffany (Eddie Griffin, Malcolm & Eddie) is phat, hip and, supposedly, phunny.  They meet when a thief snatches Daryl's briefcase on the way to work.  We don't ever learn what it is that Daryl does for a living, but know it must be important when Freddy exclaims, "Man, how you get a big-ass office like this?" after following Daryl to work.

We do know that Daryl's company is involved in some shady dealings with a lazy-eyed Mexican, and before you know it (literally - because it makes no sense), he's discovering dead bodies and being attacked by gun-wielding maniacs because of his business connections.  A few really bad explanations later, Daryl is mistaken for a murderer and hops on a train in search of a CIA agent who can get him out of this pickle.  Freddy tags along, doing his best impression of Liza (loud, theatrical and exceedingly annoying).

Take features more double-crossing, backstabbing and hidden identities than either of the two Mission: Impossible films, which means, for a film of this magnitude, that the whole thing is a lot more complicated and messy than it needs to be.  Writer/director George Gallo, responsible for the equally awful Trouble in Paradise, seems more concerned about the big surprise ending (which is sooo not a surprise) than trying to establish any continuity to the film.

There is a seemingly endless string of completely ludicrous events, like when Daryl and Freddy take the train from New York to Texas and get there overnight.  In another scene, which takes place in the middle of nowhere, Daryl is able to procure a car and a fake moustache to alter his identity in an attempt to cross the border.  It would be one thing if it didn't make sense and was funny, but there isn't one second of entertainment for anyone that doesn't require a drool bib.  Most of the jokes come at the expense of the NYPD and the Mexican character's lazy eye – all things that are so, like, 1999.

Jones is likeable enough as the straight man, but Griffin is so bad, he would have ruined the picture even if it wasn't poorly written and directed. When the film's only real talent (Vivica A. Fox) gets gunned down in the first ten minutes, you know you're going to be in for a long ride.  There's also a whole lot of swearing, but nothing bad enough to warrant an "R" rating.

1:30 –

for violence and adult language