Nobody has ever made a feature-length film based on a Dr. Seuss book, and you’d better believe that nobody has ever been crazy enough to attempt a live-action version of the good doctor’s stories.  The reason for this becomes painfully evident almost immediately in How the Grinch Stole Christmas.  The sets are horrendously cheap-looking.  It seems as though the filmmakers were going for a Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory effect, but the overall gaudiness of everything smacks of the last two Batman films.  And the fact that it took over $120 million to make a film based on a 70-page book is a little alarming as well.

Luckily, Jim Carrey is a strong enough star to overcome the rest of this mess.  The Grinch, based on Seuss’ 1957 children’s classic, will probably be a big commercial hit no matter what any critics think. Which brings up another interesting point – Seuss’ story is supposed to be a rallying cry against the commercialism of the holidays, but you can bet your ass the film will have product placement tie-ins out the wazoo.  At the end of the book, The Grinch sheepishly admits “maybe Christmas doesn’t come from a store,” but they’re the only place you’ll be able to get your official Grinch merchandise.

Carrey (Me, Myself & Irene) stars as the titular Grinch, a green-fur- covered, onion-eating creep with a heart two sizes too small.  He lives on the mountain peak that overlooks Whoville, a town full of cheerful people known as Whos (they’re all pretty freaky looking in the face, hair and teeth departments).  Whoville loves Christmas, as evidenced by its residents shopping up a storm in the film’s opening scene.  For the holiday, Whoville celebrates something called a Who-biliation, and this year marks the festival’s 100th anniversary.

We learn the origin of The Grinch – a funny tale added here to pad the film’s running time - but the film’s main focus is on the relationship between the cold-hearted Grinch and precocious little Cindy Lou-Who (Taylor Momsen).  She seems to be the only person in Who-ville interested in giving the green grump another chance at redeeming his social status in town.  Despite the girl’s good intentions, The Grinch still raids the town on Christmas Eve, absconding with everything related to the holiday and hauling it up to the top of his mountain.

The Grinch started to get on my nerves after about 30 minutes, but then Carrey’s screen time was increased, which jump-started my interest in the film.  He really saves the movie when it starts to slip off the tracks. That said, Carrey’s rendition of Thurl Ravenscroft’s “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” is a disaster, but the montage of him creating various evil devices are pretty cool despite the song.  Momsen’s gut-wrenching rendition of the James Horner (Titanic) penned “Christmas, Why Can’t I Find You,” is much more enjoyable.  The film is at its best when it sticks to the book’s original narrative, provided here by Sir Anthony Hopkins (M:I-2).

Although he didn’t seem to affect many of the kids at my screening of the film, this Grinch would have scared the crap out of me if I were a little kid (my fear of the Hamburglar almost turned me into a child vegetarian).  When was the last time you took your kids to a movie that featured a $20 million star wearing a big, furry codpiece?  Plus, The Grinch has piercing yellow eyes (so help me, God, yellow eyes).  Anybody who knows anything about decent Christmas films knows this is the sign of pure anti-holiday evil (see A Christmas Story – a real holiday classic).

Like Battlefield Earth, there aren’t many shots in The Grinch that aren’t off-kilter.  The effect is annoying, and makes it look like director Ron Howard (Edtv) and crew were filming during an avalanche. Howard predominately uses the same production team he’s worked with on his previous films, but he’s never made a picture quite like The Grinch before.  The sets looked like they’d collapse under the weight of a wee kitten.

For some reason, Audrey Geisel (Seuss’ widow) gave Howard and his production company the okay to make the film after years and years of rebuffing Hollywood’s attempt to make her husband’s story into a feature-length film (he, apparently, was pleased enough with the cartoon version).  Geisel was able to finagle veto power over the film, putting the kibosh on several jokes she referred to as “bathroom humor” (despite signing off on the casting of Carrey) and a scene that sounded pretty anti-Semitic (it involved the Who-Steins…seriously).  The offensive material comes from the odious duo of Jeffrey Price and Peter S. Seaman (Wild Wild West).

1:45 –

for some crude humor