Writer/director Amy Heckerling’s last film won the Best Screenplay Award from the National Society of Film Critics.  Clueless was a cleverly written modern adaptation of Jane Austen’s Emma, and the film established Heckerling (Fast Times at Ridgemont High) as one of Hollywood’s quintessential teen romance/comedy screenwriters.

Since wallowing in critical praise for Clueless, Heckerling’s track record has been, at best, spotty.  She produced three bombs in a row – Saturday Night Live’s awful A Night at the Roxbury, the almost-direct-to-video flop Molly and even a short-lived television series based on Clueless.  With the release of Loser, the tally hits four in a row.

Loser re-teams American Pie co-stars Jason Biggs and Mena Suvari as New York City college students.  It’s your typical three-act film where a boy meets a girl in the first, tries to win her over in the second, and just about gives up until the last five minutes of the third.  There’s nothing here you haven’t seen before, except possibly for the brash new levels of product placement that Loser achieves.  It’s hard to tell if you’re watching a long commercial for Sam Adams beer, a paid advertisement for Everclear’s new album, or an actual film.

Biggs (Boys and Girls) stars as Paul Tannek, a freshman on a full academic scholarship from a Midwestern town full of people with bad haircuts covered by hats that are even worse.  He’s the first person in his family to go to college, and although he’s smart enough to have earned a full ride (with meal plan included), Paul is worried about his lack of big-city sophistication and fancy book-learnin’.  We find out that he’s one clumsy bastard from the funny montage that plays during Loser’s opening credits.

Suvari (American Beauty) plays fellow freshman Dora Diamond, a native New Yorker that lives at home with her mom (although we never see her) and pays her tuition with tips earned at a Manhattan titty bar.  Dora is also having an affair with her slimy European Literature professor Edward Alcott (Greg Kinnear, What Planet Are You From?), who treats her like dog crap and is embarrassed to let people know about their relationship.

Although Paul and Dora seem like total opposites (she’s street-smart; he’s a mugger’s dream), the two losers are more alike than they appear.  Professor Alcott walks all over Dora, while Paul’s three hard-partying roommates (Zak Orth, Thomas Sadoski and Jimmi Simpson) turn his dorm life into a living hell.  Paul gets kicked out of his quarters, Dora loses her job, and the two begin to spend more and more time together.

Biggs is an extremely likeable actor that makes the most out of Heckerling’s limp material.  Besides Hugh Jackson (X-Men) and Owen Wilson (Shanghai Noon), I can’t think of a relatively new actor that has impressed me as much as Biggs.  On the other hand, Suvari is just plain annoying.  She’s whiny and she can’t act, and the more she whines, the more obvious it becomes that she doesn't have the chops.  Kinnear plays the smarmy prick professor to perfection, but one has to wonder if he’s really acting, or just serendipitously cast.

Heckerling’s direction isn’t bad, but her script is almost downright boring.  You practically sit around waiting for the next unexplainable cameo from a stand-up comedian (Steven Wright, Bobby Slayton, Andy Dick, Andrea Martin, David Spade) until the inevitable conclusion is reached in the film’s final reel.  And just when you think Heckerling’s screenplay has hit rock-bottom, Loser offers really lame explanations for what happens to each of the characters right before the closing credits.

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