RHINO DROPPINGS

Last time out: The home debut of Laurie Calloway’s new-look Rhinos went about as well as RD expected. A couple of quick notes: Puerto Rico ain’t that good, and their goal was the result of sloppy marking. But Rochester was far from being at full strength, too. Too early to make any judgments about this 2005 squad. Their first real test will come on May 21 against Montreal.

Frankie Sanfillippo shattered the all-time team record for slide tackles in his first game. Other fallen records included:

RD has had fickle girlfriend who were more reliable. Actual girlfriends. On the other hand, this presumably led listeners to avoid hearing the ball referred to as a puck.

-the fact that handballs are no longer a rule infraction (we counted at least six of them – none whistled, including the ones in the penalty area)

Next up: More of the same, except it’ll happen in warmer weather and in front of fewer fans. Gather ‘round, kids: It’s time for Rochester’s annual trip to the 51^st state! Here’s a list of things you shouldn’t forget:

-Goalkeeper Dan Kennedy can throw a mean tantrum (but he can make a mean bunt cake)

-In their storied history, Puerto Rico has scored just two goals against Rochester, and Luis Zuleta has both of them. Note to Rhinos: Must. Stop. Luis. Zuleta.

-Rochester has lost their last seven road matches, scoring just four goals while allowing 18

-game times are 8:30 PM on Friday, and 5:00 PM on Sunday, in case you want to get your Fickle on, or participate in the Rhinos online chat.

Tail of the Tape

1-0-1

Record

0-1-2

0-0-1 (away)

0-1-1 (home)

1.50

GFA

0.67

0.00 (away)

0.50 (home)

1.00

GAA

2.34

1.00 (away)

2.00 (home)

0.50

Goal Differential

<1.67>

<1.00> (away)

<1.50> (home)

1 win

Streak

2 losses

7 losses (away)

1 loss (home)

3-2-4

Last 10 matches

2-1-7

1-0-9 (away)

4-3-3 (home)

4-0-0

Head-to-Head

0-0-4

2-0-0 (away)

0-0-2 (home)

10-3-3

May Record*

0-3-7

5-2-2 (away)

0-3-4 (home)

8-4-6

Friday Record*

0-3-2

1-1-4 (away)

0-3-0 (home)

2-2-1

May/Friday Record*

0-1-0

1-1-1 (away)

0-1-0 (home)

6-4-7

Sunday Record*

2-1-4

4-1-6 (away)

2-0-1 (home)

1-0-1

May/Sunday Record*

0-0-0

1-0-1 (away)

0-0-0 (home)

* - since 2003

Where have you gone, Andy Restrepo? Player of the Week Greg Simmonds had a brace in Charleston’s first win of 2005 – a 3-1 trouncing of Toronto (Battery ‘keeper Matt Behonick faced a whopping seven shots and made zero saves). This is Simmonds’ third POW honor since the beginning of 2004.

Eddy Sebrango had the match-winner in Montreal’s 1-0 defeat of Virginia Beach. You probably remember Noah Delgado’s assist on Puerto Rico’s lone goal in a 3-1 loss to Rochester. And say hello to Pat Onstad’s first shutout of the season. Look! It’s waving back at you!

Here’s the latest installment of the completely unpopular Current Rhinos vs. Ex-Rhinos:

Around the (A-)League: Last week, RD predicted Richmond would edge Montreal in the year’s first battle between league powerhouses. What we weren’t expecting was a Kicker to get tossed early in the match (thank you, Mr. Joey Worthen), leading to a 0-0 nail-biter. Then we got to thinking: In four matches, the Impact have seen two of their opponents play a man down because of red card ejections. If you count the 2004 post-season, you can bump those numbers up to four opponent red cards in Montreal’s last eight games (proposed new club motto: Montreal: Trying So Hard to Make You Punch Us). The Sunday match-up featured a grand total of four second-half shots between both teams. Yeah, we’re getting bored just typing it. The rumor is that everyone was too busy wrestling with each other (33 fouls) to worry about things like “goals” and “winning.”

You’ve probably heard about Minnesota playing their home opener at the MetroDome last Saturday. What you may not have heard is that they drew 2,934 fans. What you definitely didn’t hear is that every other USL-1 team, save Virginia Beach, had higher turnstile counts for their openers (Montreal and Toronto have yet to play at home).

And what, you may ask, is Virginia Beach up to? In four home matches, their average attendance is a paltry 766. Their total attendance for those four games is a third less that the Rhinos drew last weekend. Still think they’re going after Dante Washington? They’re probably having trouble scraping up money to keep the lights on. This concludes the lazy-ass Bob Matthews-esque portion of this week’s column.

Interesting Matchups: On Sunday’s Charleston at Vancouver match, ex-Battery players Mark Watson and Steve Klein will face off against their former teammates. Rochester plays two in Puerto Rico (duh), and Richmond and Virginia Beach play twice. The Kickers also have a Sunday match in Atlanta, which could result in a football-type score (like 7-6, or 35-31).

Weird numbers of the week: In May games, the Rhinos have a winning record every day of the week, except Monday, when they're 0-1-3. Similar to the Boomtown Rats, they just don't like Mondays.

Weekly trivia: Since 2002, only two Rhinos have won Player of the Week Honors. Who are they?

Answers next week. And, no – we don’t have anything to give away to people who know the correct response. Last week's answer was Bill Sedgewick. And, hey -- Welcome back, Bill! It was almost like you never left.

Current Rhinos*:	0.450 Points per Match
Ex-Rhinos*:	0.283 PPM