RHINO DROPPINGS

Last time out: Another romp for the Rhinos – this time, a 3-0 victory over fledgling Puerto Rico (0-1-4). RD expected more goals in the second half (all three came in the first 45), what with the non-stop attack tiring the shell-shocked Islanders and all. Except the non-stop attack kind of did stop, with Rochester kicking it all the way back to 2001 as they dug in their heels and weathered some shockingly uneven refereeing. Martín Zapata – A/K/A “That Crybaby Prick Wearing No. 7” – has immediately replaced Sebastian Barclay as the most unlikable opponent the Rhinos will face this season; and PR goalkeeper Andrew Nucifora, though shaped liked the pie-eating Tony Meola, neither gave the Rhinos trouble nor placed any of its squad in a headlock. Come back soon, Islanders! Your points are easy and delicious!

David Wright and Ryan Trout made the A-League Team of the Week for scoring in the romp – the second week in a row two new Rhinos have earned the honor.

Next up: The filthy, rotten, mother-stabbing, father-raping Salty Dogs, who are on cloud nine because they have a 3-1-0 record. Pssssssst! You’ve played Puerto Rico three times! You’re personally responsible for their only four goals, and their only points! Let’s not get carried away, Doofi (that’s the plural for “doofus,” right?).

Dig how the Rhinos were pumping up this Friday’s road trip to Syracuse to see your favorite ex-Rhinos like Scott Schweitzer, Mike Kirmse, Rene Rivas and Temoc Suarez? Well, Kirmse was traded to Virginia Beach, Schweitzer and Suarez are both nursing hamstring injuries (neither has played since the S-Dogs’ opener on April 24), and Rivas – that master of clean and fair play – was ejected from Syracuse’s latest “triumph” over the Islanders. He’ll likely miss Friday’s match due to the mandatory suspension that follows the type of non-violent, non-dirty play that results in being sent to the showers.

Syracuse saw yellow three times in the first 20 minutes of Saturday’s match against Puerto Rico – without Kirmse to help out, even (he had seven last year). Chris Doré threw up some pretty good numbers, scoring twice and assisting on the other two-goals. The S-Dogs drew just 5,023 fans for their home opener and, for the record, that Martín Zapata clown didn’t score for the Islanders. He’s another clean and fair player, too, isn’t he?

Tail of the Tape

2-0-0

Record

3-1-0

2-0-0

Conference Record

3-1-0

3.50

GFA

2.25

0.00

GAA

1.00

3.50

Goal Differential

1.25

2 wins

Streak

1 win

6-2-2

Last 10 matches

6-2-2

1-1-2

Head-to-Head

2-1-1

1-0-1 (road)

1-0-1

9-2-4

May Record*

5-1-2

4-1-2 (road)

1-0-1 (home)

10-2-8

Friday Record*

4-0-7

3-0-4 (road)

2-0-5 (home)

4-1-2

May/Friday Record*

2-0-2

2-0-1 (road)

0-0-1 (home)

* - Last two seasons

Prediction: The first real test for either team (and the first road match for Rochester) will result in a 2-1 Rhinos victory, snapping a two-year run where Rochester has lost their first away game of the season.

On Sunday, Rochester travels to Toronto for their second of just three 2004 meetings against the Lynx, who have dropped three straight after a “convincing” 1-0 win against Puerto Rico to open the season.

Tail of the Tape

2-0-0

Record

1-0-3

2-0-0

Conference Record

1-0-3

3.50

GFA

1.00

0.00

GAA

2.50

3.50

Goal Differential

<1.50>

2 wins

Streak

3 losses

6-2-2

Last 10 matches

3-1-6

18-4-8

Head-to-Head

8-4-18

5-4-6 (road)

6-4-5 (home)

9-2-4

May Record*

1-2-11

4-1-2 (road)

0-1-2 (home)

6-3-2

Sunday Record*

4-2-5

4-1-2 (road)

4-2-4 (home)

1-0-0

May/Sunday Record*

0-0-1

1-0-0 (road)

0-0-1 (home)

* - Last two seasons

Prediction: There’s no reason to expect the home-cooked Canadian ref job Rochester usually gets up North will be able to offset the talent differential we saw in the Rhinos’ home opener against Toronto. But it will make it much closer. Look for Theo Zagar to shine in his triumphant return home, and for Rochester to escape with a 3-1 win.

RD isn’t going to make any predictions for next Monday’s friendly against Chicago, but it will say you’d better be prepared to see names like Denny Clanton, Phil Hucles, Sumed Ibrahim and Ryan McGowan on the pitch for the Fire. Hopefully, we’ll also be able to see stars from the USMNT (DaMarcus Beasley, Chris Armas), the U-23s (D.J. Countess, Logan Pause, Kelly Gray…and Beasley again) as well as a couple of Jamaican internationals (Andrew Williams and Rhinos 2003 draft pick Damani Ralph).

Know how many Fire members are still around from Rochester’s 1999 USOC win? Three: Armas, Jesse Marsch and C.J. Brown. Know how many Rhinos are still around? Five, but only two offer an uninterrupted service record (Lenin Steenkamp and Bill Sedgewick). Other fun roster notes: John Ball played for the Fire in 1999, along with lying whoreson Diego Gutierrez.

Around the A-League: Vancouver released Andrew Gregor, an All-League First Team midfielder in 2002 and 2003, for “personal reasons.” Not sure if they’re the same kind of “personal reasons” that fell Billy Edelin, so he may or may not show up on another team’s roster in the immediate future.

Toronto lost to Richmond on Thursday, 3-1, putting things into perspective for people who got overly excited about the Rhinos’ 4-0 shellacking of the Lynx. Toronto isn’t that good (look for them to improve in August and play spoiler to a lot of teams who think they’re going to the playoffs). Shutting out the Lynx and the Islanders isn’t that fabulous an accomplishment. But it was sure a bunch of fun to watch.

On Tuesday, they shot the lights out in Charleston as the Battery beat Virginia Beach, 4-3, in a match that saw mad action from ex-Rhinos. Greg Simmonds netted two, and Hamisi Amani-Dove scored once. Mike Kirmse made his first appearance for the Mariners, as well. Wolde Harris had a goal for Charleston in his first match for the club, and if you’re wondering who got bumped out of the starting lineup when he and Ezra Hendrickson were signed, the answer is Aleksey Korol and new Danish defender Henrik Jensen.

Speaking of Korol, what’s the damn deal with all of these ex-Riverhounds lighting up the scoreboard in 2004? The core of Pittsburgh’s team jumped ship when they announced the “demotion” to the PSL, and since then, here’s what some of them have done: David Wright (1 goal for Rochester); Corey Woolfolk (2 goals for Rochester); Joey Worthen (2 goals, 1 assist for Richmond); Michael Green (2 goals and an own goal for Charleston).

And speaking of “demoted” teams, anybody remember Jacob Coggins from Charlotte? The kid is going wild in the PSL, scoring three times and assisting twice in a 5-5 Eagles draw last week. That effort made him the Player of the Week – the second time Coggins has nabbed that award this year (he had a match with two goals and an assist in Week 2).

Where have you gone, Andy Restrepo? Martin Nash assisted on the game-winning goal in Vancouver’s 2-1 home win against Minnesota on Friday. Not to be outdone, new Silverback John Ball netted the GWG (assisted by Mac Cozier, no less) when Atlanta surprised the defending champion Charleston Battery in the first leg of USOC qualifying. Sean Michael Callahan received a red card in Seattle’s 1-1 draw against Edmonton – a match that saw Jaime Lopresti score the tying goal (on a rebound of his own penalty kick) in the 90^th minute, and then sent off in extra time (and, several days later, make the Team of the Week).

MLS update: One week after saying Pat Onstad wasn’t going to allow a lot of goals in 2004, the crafty Canadian went out of his way to make the RD look like a bunch of chumps by letting five past him in a 5-5 draw against the visiting MetroStars. For those of you keeping track at home, five goals is 17% of what Onstad allowed in all of 2003. Pat gives Rochester mad props in his latest diary entry at www.sjearthquakes.com.

Miscellaneous droppings: We're looking for ideas here at RD headquarters. If you can think of some fun weekly addition we can add to our coverage, drop us a line at rhinodroppings@sick-boy.com.