RHINO DROPPINGS

May 26, 2004

Last time out: This past Saturday was Greek Night at Frontier, and you know what that means.  No, not that – get your mind out of the gutter.  Greek Night, for the unperverted readers out there, means exciting cloudbursts, strange national anthems, a red card, distant and silent lightning, Lars Lyssand's oddly touching dance with the corner flag, and what should have been another red card when second-string Salty Dog goalkeeper, who already had a yellow card for "acting like a douche" (rulebook says it's a three-point caution), took down Kirk Wilson in the area like a sack of lentils.

The Rhinos beat Syracuse, 1-0, to land the primo third-round entry in the US Open Cup bid (the S-Dogs qualify as well, but begin play in the second round on June 15 against the winner of South Jersey and Allied S.C.).  John Wilson made the A-League Team of the Week for the second time in 2004, and Cristian Neagu's ejection was the third for Syracuse in their last four matches.  Short of arming players with two-by-fours with rusty nails sticking out of them, that's a pretty tough feat to accomplish.  Rumor has it that Donald Rumsfeld is in negotiations to send Laurie Calloway to Abu Ghraib to hone the interrogation techniques of our Freedom Fighters (the name, if you think about it, is rather fitting).

Next up: It's the much anticipated Puerto Rico Roadie, in which the Rhinos play the Islanders Thursday and Saturday evening at Juan Ramon Loubriel Stadium (or, as we like to call it at the RD, "The Loob").  Puerto Rico hasn't scored in their last 357 minutes of A-League play, but they have managed to shut out Richmond and Charleston over that same span (goalkeeper Andrew Nucifora made the Team of the Week for his soggy performance in the latter).

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	Tail of the Tape
3-1-1, 10 pts.	Record	0-3-6, 3 pts.
3-1-1	Conference Record	3-2-0
2.00	GFA	0.44
1.00 (away)		0.43 (home)
0.60	GAA	1.88
1.50 (away)		1.43 (home)
1.40	Goal Differential	<1.44>
<0.50> (away)		<1.00> (home)
1 win	Streak	1 draw
5-2-3	Last 10 matches	0-3-6
1-0-0	Head-to-Head	0-0-1
0-0-0 (away)		0-0-0 (home)
10-3-5	May Record*	0-3-3
4-2-2 (away)		0-3-1 (home)
2-0-0	Thursday Record*	0-1-1
1-0-0 (away)		0-1-1 (home)
0-0-0	May/Thursday Record*	0-1-0
0-0-0 (away)		0-1-0 (home)
16-2-3	Saturday Record*	0-1-3
5-2-3 (away)		0-1-2 (home)
5-0-2	May/Saturday Record*	0-1-2
1-0-1 (away)		0-1-1 (home)
	* - Last two seasons

Prediction: Given Rochester's knack for landing on the wrong side of bad out-of-country officiating, it's tough to know what to expect.  Let's say the trip ends with a 1-1 draw (involving a red card and/or a penalty kick) and a 2-0 Rhinos win, leaving Puerto Rico searching for that elusive first win of the year.

Around the A-League: Portland and Montreal are the only undefeated teams remaining in the A-League.  Aside from Vancouver, who has just one away match under their belt, the Timbers and Impact are also the only teams with perfect road records.

Where have you gone, Andy Restrepo?  Stoian Mladenov scored in LASK Linz's 6-2 throttling of FC Wacker Tirol in Austria's Estre Division (teammate Enrico Kern had four goals – What do they call that?  A double-brace?  A coat trick?).  Points from ex-Rhinos on both sides of Virginia Beach's 2-1 win over Atlanta as Mac Cozier netted the S-Backs' lone goal and Hamisi Amani-Dove assisted on the Mariners' first strike.  Gabe "Leavin' On a Jet Plane" Valencia, the newest addition to the constantly swelling Charleston roster, came in as a sub in the Battery's 0-0 draw in Puerto Rico – the same match that saw two-time Player of the Week Greg Simmonds receive his third yellow card of the year.

MLS update:  Speaking of two-time Players of the Week, Pat Onstad let in two more on Saturday, bringing his 2004 total of goals allowed to 13.  That's just four away from his total in all of 2003.

Is it just RD, or does it seem like MLS wins are rarer than a guy waiting in line for The Return of the King DVD who doesn't smell like wet cheese puffs?  Let's take a look at how the 10 MLS teams are fairing:

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Miscellaneous droppings:  We're looking for ideas here at RD headquarters.  If you can think of some fun weekly addition we can add to our coverage, drop us a line at rhinodroppings@sick-boy.com.