Imagine Me & You – Ol Parker’s unconventional love triangle is light, enjoyable and…well, surprisingly conventional.  We’ve seen plenty of movies about couples like Rachel (Coyote Ugly vet Piper Perabo) and Heck (Match Point’s Matthew Goode) and the disintegration of their relationship when a third party is introduced.  While said third party is often another woman, it’s a fairly rare occurrence that she’s looking for a same-sex hookup. 

In Imagine Me & You, this third wheel is Luce (Lena Headey, brilliant in the underseen Aberdeen), who is no more interested in becoming a homewrecker than Rachel is in ditching her brand new husband to bat for the other team.  The two are unbelievably attracted to each other, and just aren’t sure what to do about it.  Their issues aren’t so much related to them both being women (and the various sociological taboos attendant thereto) so much as they’re worried about hurting poor old Heck’s feelings.  And that’s where You takes its tragic stumble into the dangerous Syrupy-Blather zone by insisting on a happy, upbeat ending.  Which would never happen in real life.  Ever.  PSB says 6.

When a Stranger Calls – PSB isn’t sure which concept is crazier: A horror film in which absolutely nothing frightening happens for the first three-quarters of the running time, or the notion that we’ve reached a date and time when a mediocre remake with zero star power can totally annihilate the competition at the box office the week Oscar nominations are announced.  The Ballad of Jack & Rose cutie Camilla Belle is forced into a babysitting gig after making very quick work of her cell phone’s minute limit.  A creepy dude (voice: Lance Henriksen) keeps calling her.  Also, it’s dark and windy and rainy outside.  You can figure out where this is going, even if you’re unfamiliar with the 1979 original, in which a then-27-year-old Carol Kane plays the teenage babysitter (now that’s a horror concept).  Features an ending guaranteed to confuse and confound morons.  PSB says 5.

Darwin’s Nightmare – Sadly, it’s not cobras but Nile perch that give night terrors to both the titular evolutionist and the subjects of this documentary, which was just nominated for an Oscar last week.  A couple of generations ago, the Nile perch was introduced into Tanzania’s Lake Victoria (the largest tropical lake on the planet) to boost the fishing industry.  Instead, the giant fish ate every other species in sight, and the effect on the locals is actually worse.  Like, almost unwatchably worse.  In other words, this isn’t going to make you feel anything except miserable, nauseous and angry.  And if that’s what you’re in for, why not just save your money for The Pink Panther remake?  If you don’t, there won’t be a sequel!  PSB says 6.