Hola, amigos.  I know it’s been a long time since I wrapped at ya, but a lot has been going down over at Chez Sick-Boy.  First, a brief power outage lost the November 11^th reviews (and what kind of way is that to honor our veterans?).  Then, a bout of laziness crippled the entire Sick-Boy staff.  This was followed by record levels of procrastination, and then a week which featured releases like Rent, Just Friends, In the Mix and Yours, Mine & Ours.  Like you need us to tell you that they’re all stinkers.  Last week?  Either a stomach virus, or the Avian flu.  Either way, you totally won’t want to use the office bathroom for a few more days.

So let’s do a quick little recap of stuff we’ve skipped over the last month or so:

Get Rich or Die Tryin’ – Turns out Eminem is a better faux-gangsta than 50 Cent.  Despite the presence of In America director Jim Sheridan and The Sopranos scribe Terence Winter, Tryin’ has a rather unique problem: It sucks whenever Hustle & Flow’s faux-gangsta Terrence Howard isn’t on the screen.  But when Howard is present, he’s so good that he makes 50 look like Cindy Brady.  Yeah, that’s right, bitch.  Now run along and bust yo dope rhymes at a Bat Mitvah before heading back to your 18-bedroom mansion in Farmington, CT.  You’re so street, Curtis.  PSB says 4.

Zathura – From the wacky mind of children book magnate Chris Van Allsburg, Zathura is way more like his winning Jumanji than his dud The Polar Express.  And that’s way good news, which is evident by all of this picture’s advertising that mentions the former while ignoring the latter.  Two kids – including one who looks like a young Chris O’Donnell – start playing a board game, and all hell breaks loose, including 15-year-old Kristen Stewart (Jodie Foster’s kid from Panic Room) wearing next to nothing in the majority of her scenes.  So there’s something for kids and pedophiles.  PSB says 7.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang – Stop the presses!  Wait, am I stopping them because Val Kilmer has made his first good film since Tombstone, or because writer Shane “I Am Everything Wrong with Hollywood” Black (Lethal Weapon, The Last Boy Scout, Last Action Hero) totally knocked his directorial debut off the wall for extra bases?  And, frankly, does anyone care, since North Country’s Michelle Monaghan beguiles like nobody this year has?  The plot, like you really care, is a neo-noir murder-mystery involving a petty theft-turned-method actor (Robert Downey, Jr.), the gay private investigator training him for an upcoming role (Kilmer), and the girl he had a crush on back when he was a kid (Monaghan).  Never mind that when Downey, Jr. is 40 and Monaghan is 29, or that his drug-fueled 40 years were probably lived a little harder than her 29.  PSB says 8.

Pride & Prejudice – Let’s face it: If you’re geeked up to see this, there’s nothing we can say that’ll make you change your mind.  Likewise, anyone with an aversion to period costume dramas isn’t rushing out to see P&P no matter when anyone tells ‘em.  Now that there are only three of you left reading this, let’s talk about how a novice director (Joe Wright) and novice screenwriter (Deborah Moggach) managed to land a fairly high-profile gig adapting a very high-profile Jane Austen novel (the last two adaptations netted nine Oscar nominations) into a film with zero pace that centers around a forced romance and more dancing than Saturday Night Fever and Breakin’ 2: Electric Boogaloo combined.  Keira Knighley (Domino) does well enough as Elizabeth, but Matthew MacFayden is mostly all wrong as Mr. Darcy, who we all know should be played by nobody other than Colin Firth.  PSB says 6.

Pulse – The PSB monkeys vaguely remember seeing this Kiyoshi Kurosawa (Cure) film a bunch of years ago at a festival, and had to dig out their notes to refresh their memory.  Turns out the movie is about a ghost that kills people while they’re on the internet.  Hey, maybe the PSB monkeys spend so much time online, they blocked all recollections of seeing Pulse because it scared the crap out their red little asses.  Eerily enough, their notes say something about how Pulse doesn’t measure up to Kurosawa’s other pictures, but is still creepier than any of your other ’05 slash-by-number horror films.  Eerie because the notes were from 2001.  PSB says 6.

Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Harry and a blazing turkey battle for the right to…what?  Oh, I thought it said “gobbler.”  Never mind.  The fourth Potter film, helmed this time by hit-and-miss Mike Newell (missing lately with Mona Lisa Smile and Pushing Tin), proves that it matters not who directs these epics.  Fire is definitely closer kin to numbers one and two in the series, in both massive running time and playing like more of a book-on-film than the artistic peak achieved by Alfonso Cuarón in the third installment.  You’ve probably heard people talk about how it’s the darkest of the quartet, but they’re talking about the J.K Rowling’s story (and the ending is worth every bit of its PG-13 rating) and not the overall look and feel of the picture created by Newell.  Regardless, it’s still a terrific tale, and it’s a blast to see the growth of the acting ability of the three stars.  PSB says 8.