It happens every year.  The PSB elves spend too much time getting drunk at holiday parties and/or contemplating suicide after accidentally being stuck in mall traffic, and too little time rushing fresh, piping hot reviews of new films straight to your browser.  Dems da breaks, you jerks!  Drinking and suicide are the dual backbone of America’s December economy!  Now sit back, get yourself a big glass of creamy nog, and enjoy these abbreviated reviews of upcoming cinematic experiences.

Fun with Dick and Jane – For the most part, comedy is all about the pedigree, and Fun was born and bred to be a winner.  It’s a remake of the 1977 George Segal/Jane Fonda comedy, co-updated by 40 Year-Old Virgin’s Judd Apatow and directed by Dean Parisot (Galaxy Quest).  Fun has the added benefit of landing two of the planets greatest physical comedians in Jim Carrey and Téa Leoni, who play a married upper-class couple forced to pull off stickup jobs when they both find themselves out of work in the hellacious job market of rough-and-tumble 2000.

The story’s Big Picture doesn’t make a lot of sense (and, frankly, it’s more than a little dangerous), but with Carrey and Leoni involved, Fun is more about the little (and probably very unscripted) moments between the two stars.  Apatow and co-writer Nicholas Stoller add digs at, among others, The Truman Show, The Firm and the ever-clueless George W. Bush’s “Now watch me take this shot” scene from Fahrenheit 9/11.  In fact, a lot of Fun seems to be venting about corporate shenanigans at places like Enron and Tyco, but people would rather see this than a hard-hitting documentary about the same subject.  Presumably because they don’t have any A-list stars getting whacked in the balls.  PSB says 7.

Hoodwinked – This lovely little holiday surprise looks quite retarded, but it’s actually a very rare example of a non-Pixar/Aardman kiddie pic that adults might enjoy more than the youngsters.  On the surface, Hoodwinked is merely a badly animated retelling of Little Red Riding Hood, with a very odd collection of voice talent (can you even imagine Glenn Close, Andy Dick and Xzibit in the same room?).  In reality, it’s brazenly different, quite funny and told, via purposely crude Rankin/Bass-esque animation, in the style of Kurosawa’s Rashômon.  In other words, this ain’t your father’s fairytale.

Brokeback Mountain’s Anne Hathaway (in her only 2005 film where she doesn’t whip off her shirt) is Red, who within minutes of the opening credits, finds herself in a bizarre situation involving a smooth-talking wolf (Patrick Warburton), her bound-and-gagged Granny (Close) bursting, Tom Cruise-style, out of a closet right before a lumberjack (James Belushi) crashes through the wall, looking to lop off heads with his axe.  Then the flashbacks start, each from the perspective of these four characters as they’re questioned by a dapper frog (David Ogden Stiers).  Don’t judge this book by its cover.  PSB says 6.

The Family Stone – Is it just me or does this movie (or some Frankenstein-ish amalgamation of it) come out every year between Thanksgiving and Christmas?  I’m a little hazy on the details, mostly because I try to avoid it each time it comes around the pike.  Let’s see…we’ve got the wacky family full of loveable stereotypes, and the prospective fiancée meeting them all for the first time.  Mom has cancer, which adds a lovely maudlin tinge to the entire thing (actually, I think they only do this to make the jokes seem funnier, because you really need something to laugh about between the mawkish bits).  Let’s just call it Meet the Stepmom for the Holidays and be done with it.

That said, I rather enjoyed chunks of The Family Stone, especially when it crammed as many of the actors on the screen as cinematically possible.  When the group disbands into smaller pieces, like, say, the stupidly obvious pairings of boy and girl, the whole thing screeches to a halt quicker than Dubya can remind us about 9/11.  I’ll wrap it up with these two comments: Rachel McAdams, will you marry me?  And Sarah Jessica Parker, when will you make Seabiscuit 2?  PSB says 6.

The Ringer – The concept – Johnny Knoxville playing a guy who poses as a ‘tard to fix the Special Olympics – is pretty offensive, but it might surprise a lot of you to learn the Special Olympics was deeply involved in the production of The Ringer, and signed off on nearly every detail.  Besides, other than Howard Stern, who has done more for mentally-challenged actors than the Farrelly brothers, who serve as producers here?

Knoxville, who gets to utter a completely hysterical line about his inability to bang hot Hollywood starlets, plays Steve Barker, a nice guy who gets caught up in a crazy situation requiring a bunch of cash to remedy.  His lowlife uncle (Brian Cox, Red Eye) is the one who hatches the plan to fix the SOs, which Steve reluctantly agrees to do as his slow alter-ego, Jeffy.  Steve/Jeffy finds himself instantly troubled by the situation, since he is unable to beat the other competitors on the track, and is constantly belittled by them off the track.

There’s a love story, too – straight out of the Happy Gilmore book (Grey’s Anatomy’s Katherine Heigl is an SO trainer, complete with the douche-bag boyfriend she’ll obviously dump in the third reel).  Two things would have made The Ringer better: Ditching the support of the SO, and going for an R-rating (though its one allowable use of the f-word is a true gem).  But I’m not sure anyone would have allowed that film to be made, even though it would have seemed like much less of an SO commercial than The Ringer did..  PSB says 6.

Match Point – Every once in a while, Woody Allen throws you for a loop.  He did it with Interiors, Stardust Memories and the musical Everyone Says I Love You, but the 19-time Oscar nominee’s latest might be his most shocking change of pace yet, especially coming on the heels of the dreadfully average Melinda and Melinda, Anything Else, Hollywood Ending and The Curse of the Jade Scorpion.

Match Point is way more Hitchcockian than Allenesque, and if you didn’t know Woody had written and directed the film, there is absolutely no way you’d be able to peg it as one of his (ditto for the marketing materials, which mention his name exactly zero times).  Point is set in London, and though it shares a similarity with Allen’s brilliant dramedy Crimes & Misdemeanors, it offers nothing in the laugh department.  This is a straight thriller.

Jonathan Rhys Meyers (Alexander) plays Chris Wilton, a retired tennis pro who strikes up a friendship with a wealthy family who has a membership at the posh London racquet club he currently works.  Before long, Chris is buddy-buddy with smarmy Tom Hewett (Matthew Goode, Chasing Liberty) and engaged to his sister Chloe (Emily Mortimer, Dear Frankie) though he longs to tap the ass of Tom’s American fiancée, Nola (Scarlett Johansson, The Island).  When that ass-tapping finally happens, things get dark and twisted via a few taut, anxiety-testing set pieces and first-rate acting across the board.  PSB says 8.

Casanova – After finding himself in the thick of the Oscar race in two consecutive years for 1999’s The Cider House Rules and 2000’s Chocolat, director Lasse Hallström makes his return to the crazy late-December platform release world of award-hopefuls after crashing out of the racket four years ago with his flop The Shipping News.  Sadly, Hallström’s Casanova is more like the latter than the former, thanks to some miscasting and a ho-hum script from a pair of novice screenwriters.

As impressive as he is in Brokeback Mountain, he won’t be high on anyone Best Actor list for his titular turn here, as Heath Ledger’s Casanova is missing the very elements that make Johnny Depp’s Earl of Rochester so entertaining in The Libertine.  He’s a lothario who think he’s finally met The One (Natalie Dormer) and quickly proposed to her before meeting The Real One (Sienna Miller).  Wacky hijinks ensue, but none of it is fun or romantic, though Oliver Platt turns up and makes the most of the barrage of fat jokes the writers hurl his way.  And if you like laughing at those less fortunate than you during the holiday season, you’ll be watching The Ringer.  PSB says 4.