May 14, 2003

Last time out.  Rochester (1-1-1) pulled a major Jekyll and Hyde last weekend, getting routed by Virginia Beach, 3-0, on Friday night, and then toying with Atlanta for a 2-0 win on Mother's Day.  Doug Miller had two more against the S-Backs, giving him four for the season so far.  That would have been good enough for fourth-best on the team last year, and it is good enough for the highest in the league to date (VB's Dante Washington also has four but has played one more match than Miller).

What can The Score even say about Friday's match against the Mariners?  Not much, because it was too busy curled up into the fetal position with its eyes covered, scratching at itself until blood appeared.  It was about as ugly as it gets, though it does offer proof as to how important Stoian Mladenov and Craig Demmin are to the team (they were both out with injuries).  VB's three goals all came during the run of play, as opposed to the two Atlanta scored off set pieces in the Rhinos' home opener.  And each came during major defensive breakdowns, so everyone can postpone marching up to Billy Andracki's castle with torches and pitchforks.  Rochester is now a lackluster 20-2-12 in May.

The Score can, however, say a thing or two about the Fox SportsWorld broadcast of the game, because it could still hear the action over the wailing and gnashing of teeth (and because tuning into Don Stevens was an impossibility, thanks to FSW's one-second delay).  Dealing with those new banana kits were bad enough, but who the hell is "Doug Wilson"?  Between the two clowns calling the game, and Bob Turgut's new television show Inside Soccer, The Score thinks it might accidentally be rooting for the wrong team.  Either that, or the Rhinos have signed a lot of new guys The Score just hasn't heard about yet.  And what's the deal with the nonstop ass-kissing of every player who touches the ball?  From what was coming out of the television on Friday night, one might think Bill Sedgewick is league's best player with his head, and that Andracki will likely be backing up Brad Friedel for the US in World Cup 2006.

Next up.  The Rhinos take on unlikely Northeast Division frontrunners Pittsburgh (2-1-1) this Saturday night at Frontier Field.  The R-Hounds are coming off a stunning 3-0 road win against the Kickers, a match that also served as the first leg of the Pittsburgh-Richmond US Open Cup qualifier (Rochester's home-and-home tie is in two weekends, against Syracuse). Brazilian Thiago Martins (3+2=8) and ex-Mariner Ricardo Villar (3+0=6) lead Pittsburgh, but local boy Aleksey Korol has yet to amass any points.  The Rhinos are 8-2-2 against Pittsburgh in the regular season, and 5-1-0 at Frontier.  The Score predicts a 2-1 win.

After a two-day break, the Rhinos travel up to Toronto, where they will be challenged by both the 1-0-1 Lynx and a deadly team of Canadian refs in a rare Monday match.  Rochester is 1-0-4 on Mondays and 4-3-8 in Toronto.  The Score predicts a 1-0 loss, and at least one red card.

And they're off.  Charleston is off to a 4-1-0 start, and a 3-1 aggregate lead over Virginia Beach in their USOC qualifier.  The Battery's latest, against Charlotte, ended in a 2-2 draw that saw three goals in the last 11 minutes of play.

Where have you gone, Andy Restrepo?  Here's a quick update on some ex-Rhinos:  Mali Walton signed with Indiana and helped the Blast earn their first point of the season.  Carlos Parra was traded back from Minnesota to Atlanta, coming in off the bench against Rochester on Sunday.  And Martin Nash had two assists in Montreal's 2-0 road dismantling of Toronto Saturday afternoon.  Both assists came off long crosses that found the head of Zé Roberto, which begs the question, "When did Martin Nash regain the ability to stick the ball on the head of his teammates?"

MLS update.  San Jose's Pat Onstad now owns 15th place on the all-time MLS list for consecutive shutout minutes (306), following his third straight clean sheet against Chicago on Saturday night.  If it weren't for the now-infamous own goal, Onstad would be number 2 on the list with 424 minutes, behind only Tony Meola and his amazing 681 minutes.

Before the Colorado-Columbus clash on Saturday, the last time Scott Vallow and John Busch faced off against each other was in the 2001 A-League championship match, in which the Rhinos beat Hershey, 2-0.  This time, the result was reversed, with Busch and his Crew taking home the 2-0 victory. Vallow has allowed four goals in the Rapids' last two matches, but keep this in mind:  One was a penalty kick (he guessed wrong) and two came from guys who scored in the 2002 World Cup (Clint Mathis and Brian McBride).

Read the last issue of The Score here.