When you churn out movies at the rate Robert Rodriguez does (six in the last four years), you’re bound to hit a stinker every so often.  The good news is Sin CitySin City wasn’t that stinker.  The bad news is The Adventures of Shark Boy & Lava Girl in 3D is god-awful enough to make you forget how cool Sin City was.

Based on an idea from the dreams of Rodriguez’s son, Racer, Adventures is a lifeless bore about a nerdy grammar school outsider named Max (Cayden Boyd) whose over-active imagination has him believing that two of his fantasy creations – the superhero-esque Shark Boy (Taylor Lautner) and Lava Girl (Taylor Dooley) – are real and attempting to save the world from a bad guy who happens to look a lot like his school’s bully (Jacob Davich – thank his parents for giving him a normal name).

When Max is dragged along on the Earth-saving mission, he enters a world he has created in his own mind, which leads to countless situations in which he desperately shrieks, “How do I do <whatever>?”  And usually, he’s answered by some mysterious voice, saying something like, “The answer is in your dreams,” or “What do you think you should do?”  Moments like this made me long for scenes with “witty” dialogue, like “Lava Girl is just blowing off steam; let her cool down,” but mostly, they just made me want to tear off my 3D glasses and get the flock out of the theatre.

Speaking of 3D, Adventures may as well not offered it.  I can’t recall seeing a film less impressive, in terms of the 3D effect.  On top of that, the red lens of the 3D glasses is so dark, it practically drains every other color from the movie.  Avoid this at all costs.

1:34 –

for mild action and some rude humor