Terminator 2: Judgment Day, recipient of four Oscars and over half a billion box-office dollars in 1991, seems like a lifetime ago, doesn't it?  And I can barely remember the first Terminator film from back in 1984 (wasn't Snake Pliskin in it or something?).  A lot has happened since then, including writer-director James Cameron's obsession with sunken ships (he returns in no form here), the ebb and flow of Arnold Schwarzenegger's career, and a little trilogy called The Matrix.

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines sounds a lot like a prequel to The Matrix, and what unfolds over its two hours does nothing to make you think otherwise.  Without Cameron in the fold, there is precious little development in T3's story.  It's the same race against time, only its characters are older.  Well, not Sarah Connor, because she's dead.  And not Arnie's Terminator, though there is a reference to him being an old, obsolete design, long ago forgotten for bigger and better robots (like Vin Diesel, I guess).

John Connor is certainly older, and he's played by In the Bedroom's Nick Stahl (think half-Colin Farrell and half-Chimp Boy) instead of the allegedly problematic Edward Furlong.  Since we last saw John, he's become a motherless loner living on the outskirts of society while constantly remaining on the move, lest anyone discover who he is.  Since John and Sarah thwarted his assassination attempt back in 1991 (thus quelling the subsequent rise of the machines), this doesn't make a lot of sense, but who needs plot continuity when there's Claire Danes? 

Danes (The Hours) plays Kate Brewster, a veterinary clinic employee and former schoolgirl crushee of Connor.  Their paths cross once again when the future sends a mirrored ball that turns into a pouty sex kitten (Kristanna Loken) who is really a deadly T-X robot sent to wipe out Connor and the people who will eventually become his lieutenants.  Plus, Kate's father (David Andrews) is the guy responsible for starting the whole SkyNet thing, so you can practically imagine the angst and whatnot.

And then there's Arnie (and then there's Arnie!).  As promised, he comes back and shows his ass before raiding a male strip club and donning the overtly gay leathers of a Village People candidate.  His one-liners are still top notch, mostly because he's not trying to be funny (and we all know how unfunny Schwarzenegger is when he tries), though the robot-with-feelings finale is a little hard to swallow.  Doesn't anyone remember how warmly Bicentennial Man was received?

There are other problems with T3, like when Kate isn't at all afraid of what she thinks is a junkie with a gun, yet spends the rest of the film cowering in fear of everything in sight.  The denouement seems like it's gearing up for some high-quality bullshit (like when tabby-cuddler Kate suddenly announces her ability to fly planes at the exact moment Our Hero needs a pilot in order to save the world), but the ending is actually done quite well.  Director Jonathan Mostow (U-571) and screenwriters John D. Brancato and Michael Ferris (The Game) aren't able to keep things as dark and menacing as Cameron's work, though they do add a wicked car chase around the 45-minute mark.

At its worst, T3 is Robocop 6.  At its best, it's that Matrix prequel, only without all the existential crap.  And that's really all anyone ever wanted, wasn't it?

1:58 -

for strong sci-fi violence and action, and for language and brief nudity