Volver:  Maybe the Gods of the Festival were angered by yesterday's suggestion that I leave because nothing in the festival could top Babel.  Maybe it was Pedro Almodóvar himself cursing my fortune.  All I know is that I queued up in the Rush Only line for Volver one hour early, and wasn't inside theatre once the film started.  Probably would have gotten in, but from the rate festival volunteers were allowing folks to enter, I would have missed the first 20 minutes.

Offside:  On June 8, 2005, Iran defeated Bahrain to qualify for the 2006 World Cup -- their third in just seven attempts since 1974.  Jafar Panahi's offbeat comedy tells the tale of a handful of young women who try to crash the match at Azadi Stadium in Tehran, thinking they'll slip in unnoticed among the 100,000 other rabid fans.  Women are not allowed to attend sporting events in Iran, as men fear they'll be permanently scarred by hearing a tapestry of obscenities woven by angry men should Team Melli suffer a defeat.

Offside begins on a bus packed full of fans.  Amidst the excitement and chanting, one male notices a woman and points her out to his friend.  The friend shrugs his shoulders and points out the window to a similar bus, where girls with slightly better disguises hang from the window right alongside the jubilant boys.  "As if her father owns the stadium," the first male utters, clearly displaying a split among the populace when it comes to enforcing this odd and seemingly antiquated law.

The timid girl from the first bus is eventually caught at the stadium's gate and escorted to a small holding pen with a half-dozen other rulebreakers who are guarded by soldiers that appear embarrassed to have to deal with something so trivial.  And that's where the dark comedy begins as Panahi's handheld cameras show both the hypocricy of the anti-feminism of old-school Iran and the new breed of young women ready to challenge that state as they rabidly cheer for their country's national team.  At least part of Offside was filmed at the actual World Cup Qualifier, and the finale -- as the women are thrown on a bus to take them to prison -- was shot during the mass celebration in the streets of Tehran.  Offside won the Jury Grand Prix award at the Venice Film Festival this year.

Shortbus:  John Cameron Mitchell's follow-up to 2001's Hedwig and the Angry Inch is the kind of film that keeps Rick Santorum up at night, worrying he'll someday take a wrong turn, end up in an unfamiliar neighborhood, and catch The Gay from a bunch of filthy gutter punks.  Shortbus shows more engorged dicks than a crowd shot of a game at Yankee Stadium.  It has more cocksucking than a post-draft fantasy football event (at least that's how I assume those things end).  And now that I've frightened off the homophobic readers, I can now report that there is plenty of female nakididity, as well.  Also, there are brownouts, but not the gross kind.

Shortbus introduces us to its three storylines in an opening montage that uses a colorful miniature New York City to zoom between its locations.  We meet Jamie (PJ DeBoy) who is busy trying to blow himself.  We meet a dominatrix named Severin (Lindsay Beamish) who has a client that asks irritating non-sexual questions during their session.  And we meet a hetero couple going at it for what seems like hours before collapsing in a post-orgasmic heap.  The hetero girl is Sofia (Sook-Yin Lee), a couples therapist who begins counseling Jamie and his boyfriend James (Paul Dawson) about potentially bringing a third person into their relationship.  During the session, it is revealed that Sofia has been faking orgasms with her husband, and has never had one of them darn things.

Beauty in Trouble:  Jan Hřebejk (Divided We Fall) directs this drama about a family suffering from the fallout of the 2002 flooding in Prague.  Jarda (Roman Luknár) is now reduced to running a chop shop in the garage of the family's home, which was so damaged, the mold causes a severe allergy for his son.  Finally, despite what looks like a dynamite sexual relationship, his wife Marcela (Anna Geislerová) can take no more.  She packs up the kids and moves in with mother and step-father, and not soon afterwards, Jarda is pinched and tossed in the clink.

While her husband is doing time, Marcela takes up with a wealthy gentleman (Josef Abrhám) in order to get away from her and her kids away from her creepy step-father (Jirí Schmitzer).  Which makes Trouble one of those movies where a woman has to choose between financial security and a serious deep dicking.  I'm not ordinarily a fan of these films, but Hřebejk and screenwriting partner Petr Jarchovský livened things up with enough dark humor to keep me somewhat interested.  Should have been much shorter.

7 Years:  Maïté (Valérie Donzelli) is the devoted wife of Vincent (Bruno Todeschini) who is serving a seven-year prison sentence.  Twice a week, she visits him with fresh laundry and doe-eyed admissions of her love.  One day, outside the prison, she meets a guard named Jean (Cyril Troley) and begins an affair with him.  Screwing the screw, so to say.

Their relationship has a bit of a secret twist to it, but nothing I'm prepared to give away here.  It's not that exciting, but it's all Years has going for it.  I kept waiting for some huge revelation, like a deliciously ironic reason for Vincent being in the pokey.  But it never comes.  Donzelli, who you may remember from Who Killed Bambi?, checks in with another noteworthy performance.

Pan's Labyrinth:  If Tim Burton and Jan Svankmejer had teamed up to make The Chronicles of Narnia, the result probably would have looked something like this picture, which drops a cute but bookish little girl (Ivana Banquero) into a very rural woodsy area in Northern Spain in 1944.  A prologue all but tells us that she's the reincarnated spirit of the Princess of the Underworld, but nothing prepares you for the incredible dark, gruesome and graphic events that will follow.  It's a little disarming to see something that, at least on the surface, appears to almost be a kiddie pic, and then you're blindsided by the very adult nature of the film.

Labyrinth, written and directed by Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy) drew audible gasps and winces during tonight's press/industry screening, but it was a strong enough picture to not leave that part of the audience trampling each other to get to the door.  Amazing sets and photography, as well as a pair of strong performances (Banquero and her screen antagonist, Sergi López from With a Friend Like Harry) keep this movie interesting and likable.