When I hear a film start with a woman saying, “Everybody fucks everybody – it’s the nature of the beast,” it usually means I’ve fallen asleep on the couch and left Showtime on.  But Whipped isn’t your typical 2:00 AM cable soft-core pornography – it’s a new, envelope-pushing sex comedy playing at your local gigaplex.

Whipped takes place in New York City, where a group of four men meet in a diner each Sunday to loudly discuss their sexual activity from the previous week.  There’s a Wall Street hunk who is so blonde and so handsome, he’s almost Craig Kilborne (Brian Van Holt, television’s Love & Money), a chronic masturbator who feels bad because he’s only had nine sexual partners (Jonathan Abrahams in his film debut), a married man who finds himself outcast from his sexually active group of friends (Judah Domke, Spanking the Monkey), and an unemployed beatnik writer (Zorie Barber in his film debut – he’s also an executive producer).

Each guy brazenly brags about his recent sexual conquests, and more importantly, the sleazy means at which he “scammed” each woman.  I guess it’s a step up from using date-rape drugs, like in Loser, but it still doesn’t make an entertaining film.  I thought the film was headed toward a storyline like the superior The Tao of Steve, but instead it gets stuck spinning its wheels in a pool of vulgarities that have no purpose other that shocking the audience.

Whipped initially earned an NC-17 rating from the MPAA, and since the film has no sex scenes, you should have a pretty good idea of how explicit the sexual dialogue can get.  These guys don’t just fuck and tell – they do it in the most graphic way you can imagine.  And exactly what crowded diner have you been to where shouting about having your salad tossed or your knob polished is acceptable?

The film is broken up over a seven-week period, and in week two, each single guy unknowingly falls for the same girl.  Their diner talk is more subdued as they sheepishly say things like, No, man – this one was different.”  Mia (Amanda Peet, The Whole Nine Yards) supposedly has no idea that the men are best friends, but each is so smitten with her, they refuse to give her up.  Jealously and hormones rage, but Whipped becomes bogged down with contrived voice-overs make the film choppy and annoying

So what is Mia’s story?  You know she’s playing them from the film’s opening line, so the main questions become “why” and “to what end.”  Is she a grad student writing a paper on the dating and sexual habits of the American male?  Nope.  And while the payoff is slightly amusing, it’s still a huge letdown.

Whipped is the directorial debut of Peter M. Cohen, who also wrote the film’s script.  After Peet (who is dating Van Holt in real life) stole the show from Bruce Willis and Matthew Perry in Yards, I figured Whipped would be her big breakout role.  But the release date kept getting pushed further and further back, which always makes me skeptical.  Although she gets top billing in the film, Peet has less screen time than each of the four main male characters.  She’s still an up-and-comer with a bright future, but Whipped is something that may have been better off if it was left off her resume.

1:40 - for strong sexual content and even stronger adult language